The Secret to a Happy Marriage

If anyone knows, please comment.
I don't have the answer. The reason I don't have the answer (or maybe I do) is because there is NO secret. Life is work, and marriage is work, and if you're not willing to work at either, don't expect good results. There is no magic wand. And ladies, for the record, there is no such thing as a prince charming, someone who will sweep you off your feet and take you off to Never Land.

And men, there is no such thing as the perfect wife. But there is such thing as honesty, and above all, I can give that to you.

There are no perfect people. There are varying degrees of humanness and you have to decide for yourself, "Who's crap am I willing to put up with?" And, moreover, who's willing to deal with my crap?

We all have crap. If you say you don't, you're not being honest with yourself.

Alas, I have the opportunity to opine on the classic question, "What makes marriages work?"
Thanks to a bit that appeared in the WSJ, apparently, it's NOT living in Oklahoma. Thanks for sending me this, Dante!

"Which couples have the best chances? Depending on which study you believe -- they vary widely in quality -- you must get lots of education, earn a lot of money, marry over age 25, live in a Blue State, be white, or be a Presbyterian or a Catholic (but only a faithful one who attends Mass). What doesn't help: being a born-again Christian, having daughters instead of sons, having divorced parents or being born in Oklahoma. (Pilloried in the media a few years ago for its high divorce rate, Oklahoma has mounted a state-funded marriage-education program that has enrolled 133,000 people so far, an official says.)"

Here I go on one of my bandwagons (as if I don't have enough of those already), but I always tell people: Getting married is like having children. You don't do either unless you absolutely know it's for you. Don't do either because it's what other people expect of you. You have to live with the consequences of your decisions.

For instance, who is going to burp and feed the baby at 4 in the morning and then wake up at 6 to go to work? YOU. Who is going to stand by a husband or wife's side through thick and thin, for better or for worse, through years of marriage? Once the music is over at the ceremony and you come home from the honeymoon, LIFE continues.

Take the example of the person I shall call Miss X. Miss X really, truly exists. I met her at the University of Oklahoma. Obviously, I won't use her real name. But Miss X is 22 years old, the age I was when I got married. The first thing that comes out of Miss X's mouth is, "I hate my husband. He is dumb."

Lordy, child, WHY would you hitch your star to his wagon if you feel that way about him? And why would you broadcast it to the world that you feel this way about the man that you married, who (presumably), is going to be the father of your children?

I don't have the secret to a happy marriage or a happy life. What I do know, though, is that you have to have rain to enjoy the rainbows. The journey of life is complicated and difficult but oh so worthwhile, and if you want to share that with one special person, that's your perogative.

As for Oklahoma's high divorce rate, I explain it this way: People here usually marry very, very young because it's what is very much expected of them by parents and churches. They are not given the chance to "find" themselves. So they get into these relationships and I ask, how can you grow and love another person if you don't know yourself?